I looked at my own cervix.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
