my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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