i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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