Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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