I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
