Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
