she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
