i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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