YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
