Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
