he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
