It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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