Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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