Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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