woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
