i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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