Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
