He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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