Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
