do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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