Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
