You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
