I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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