I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
