just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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