You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
