We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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