My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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