I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
honey bunches of taint.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
