i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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