why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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