"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
