Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
