I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
