NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
