why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
