New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
