Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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