I love how my cats smell like pot.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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