Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
