So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
