everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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