the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
