Don't make out with my wife yet
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
