Your dad touched me again.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
