Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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