just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
