we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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