Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
