dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
