beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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