I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
