honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
