I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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