I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
