Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
