I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She is in my trunk
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
