You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
